he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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