Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He better not be in your backpack
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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