dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
