It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
