I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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