I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
