Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
