Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
