I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
