First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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