He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize