i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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