thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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