My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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