Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize