I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize