Where is the hickey?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
