honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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