Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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