never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
