My sheets look like a crime scene.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
