Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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