How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
