I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
