Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
