so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
