When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
