your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
