He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
