So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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