Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
