they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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