Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
