If that was your dad, he is hot
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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