I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
