his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
