Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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