You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
