If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
