I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
