You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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