Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
