My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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