Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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