He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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