I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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