Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
