I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
