Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
