I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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