hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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