My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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