i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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