your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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