Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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