I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
