someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
