My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
