I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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