I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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