Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
