And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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