ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
