i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
