Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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