I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
